Marriage is a relationship which can never be generalised because everyone experiences it differently. No matter how perfect two people are together, the ride is bound to be rocky. Those who fight through it together, only come out stronger. Those who end up with war between them, pinhole their marriage until the fabric becomes too weak.
Here’s how to avoid a bad marriage!
1) Don’t build an idea:
Get married to the most compatible person, not to your perfect idea of how your partner ought to be. In the initial romance, do not become blind to the reality of your partner which may be extremely different. Be in love with the person.
2) Don’t look for constant approval:
Most people mistake to thrive for their partner’s approval at everything – food, clothes, people, work, way of life etc. and put all their ability of judgement aside and wait for a nod. While sometimes, it’s all good but don’t become a blind follower. Stay true to yourself. Everyone loves authentic!
3) Never neglect yourself:
Once in a while, have fun dates with yourself and pamper yourself. Value your comfort, your intentions and your beliefs so that your partner knows your space too. If everything about your life is influenced because you want to make everyone happy, you’ll soon feel otherwise and gradually you may lose your own ground, and you will become fickle.
4) Don’t play the blame game: Whenever something goes wrong, fix the problem. Don’t fix the blame that makes someone lose sanity.
Everything can be fixed. And what can’t be fixed, can be overcome.
5) Take responsibility:
You should take each-other’s responsibility. Your partner is sad, depressed, quiet or worried, it is not just their problem. There could be serious issues underneath and when dealt in-time, can affect your marriage positively.
Sounds cliche! But it IS the golden rule. If you have a problem, if something changes for you, if you or your partner need a vent – don’t wait for it to pass! Talk. Even if you are not in a mood to hear something, think it is for betterment. Don’t let the problem grow in the shadows to a point that it can’t be controlled!
7) Never take your partner for granted:
If you are one of those who think, “It was different when you were newly married, but now that you are more than familiar to each-other, you are under no obligations to say frequent thanks , sorry or offer explanations about anything you do”, change that thought!
Acknowledgement and appreciation can turn tables in the most average marriages!
8) Don’t drag your unwilling partner:
If your wife puts up happily with your family, relatives and traditions occasionally, it is enough! Don’t take it on your ego if she doesn’t want to act like a face-saver all the time. She is a person too! Imagine how you feel pangs of discomfort and strangeness when you have to sit at her home or with her family for more than a day or show up to her relatives that you don’t fancy!
You don’t need to have your husband around every place you go. It is ok if he doesn’t want to visit a shopping mall 6 times a month or see your friends whom he finds mean or plain weird. Never drag him to put up or behave embarrassed when he can’t. Imagine how you sometimes feel uncomfortable with his friends!
You should respect each-other’s differences and preferences.
9) Never become too dependent:
You may not get along well but still you need to tag along. Why? Bad habits die hard?
Give up that habit of hanging on to your partner all the time. It’ll make you lonely in a relationship. Try to give your relationship a breather, once every while. Be genuinely cooperative about it.
Like let your man see a game with just his men, stack some snacks & drinks for them! Or book your wife & her girlfriends a day or two at a spa resort!
10) Forgive the History:
You need to bury old issues and don’t register like a hawk, any mistake your wife/husband discussed with you like a friend. You don’t collect them as weapons against your partner. Married people are in the same team, they are not against each-other. Never use such weapons to weaken your partner’s emotional net.
You fight, you forgive and forget because every couple has ups and downs.
Although, if there is anything grave / seriously wrong, I can’t ask you to forget but I will still ask you to forgive for the sake of your own sanity. If there is abuse in a relationship on any level, it already is a bad marriage. Seek help from trusted people and secure your life.
I hope you have a wonderful marriage! 🙂