I have been friends with my bestie for more than 14 years now and I have known her for a good 26 years. She’s 30, I’m almost there and like you can do that math, we have known each other almost all our lives and been friends for half of it! That’s a tough milestone to get by!
But let me be honest, in the last 5 years, we both have been so busy with our time…having a marriage, having babies, prioritising families and mostly, hesitating that I thought that we’ll permanently become the see-you-someday friends. Where once we met and talked absolutely everyday, we began to call in months and met even rarer while we stayed hardly an hour’s drive away. I can say that has been the roughest patch of my personal life. There were overwhelming first times happening, I was desperately trying to strike a balance in my life and I thought this friendship can be put in the attic for a while. She was on the same page.
We did meet briefly many times at gatherings, attended life-events for the other, sometimes even talked about our struggles in our lives, reserved talking about anything we didn’t like about each-other because we weren’t sure if it was ok anymore…but at times, we did talk about each-other’s shortcomings with someone else. That’s a very destructive behaviour because more often than not people in between don’t understand your one-to-one relationship and let the beans out at a wrong time in your absence. The meanings get twisted, feelings get hurt, distance grows more. We didn’t realise when we started to feel defensive or uncomfortable talking about our true feelings or just enjoying our time together. Our relationship felt shallow although we continued to love one another immensely without telling or showing much.
Yesterday was the once in a long time that we truly sat down together with kids and husbands tucked away for a good night’s sleep. We talked heartily. How we had been foolish to keep most problems to ourselves! So much had happened in these 5 years and we weren’t truly there for each-other and I realised something… We couldn’t have stopped any of what happened but we did have an option to hurt less by escaping in our happy world of friendship. Anyway, we did learn to come out on our own.
Now when I’m back after meeting her, I feel amazing! There are very few bonds that stand the tests of doubt, bitterness, aloofness, excuses and time but if you have that one bond, don’t let it go.
I say, go meet that friend of yours you’ve been wanting to meet but hesitating for some really temporary, self-made reason. Life will always be demanding but that’s exactly why you need a true friend who is no less than family when you think about her/him. And tell her/him, she/he means a lot to you because she/he is wondering about it!
And it is a good time to tell my Bestie this,
“You mean a lot to me!”